I’m Chris and I’m 43. I have four beautiful children who I love very much and a wonderful husband, who’s very handsome and very supportive. I am working in my dream job. I’m deputy principal of a primary school. And I have a beautiful home just a few minutes walk from the beach. And I think that people look at me and they would think you’ve got a lot here to be thankful for and I am really thankful for it all. If I could, I would take all of that stuff. That I have and swap it. I’d like to be able to take away the pain that my daughter has been experiencing for the last 4 or 5 years.  

My youngest daughter is Caitlyn. When Caitlyn was a little girl, we used to have a bit of a joke and say, we thought that we’ve got it just right with this one. She was just delightful, so happy and when she went through puberty, we started noticing she withdrew. It was hard to get her to talk to us, she got really cranky.  

Caitlyn had taken to wearing jumpers and I thought it was a bit unusual. My older kids said, ‘Mum, I think she’s cutting her arms.’ But it was so far outside of anything that I would have believed to be true, that I just couldn’t believe that. One day, her Phys-ed teacher rang and she said ‘I have to tell you something. Today Caitlin didn’t have a jumper on and she’s been cutting her arms.’  

And I remember I was at work at some middle of the day and I just cried. It was really hard. And I made an appointment for her with our GP. Took her down, and the GP sort of spoke to me, and then spoke to us together, and spoke to Caitlyn. And then he called me back in she said ‘Caitlyn has depression. I’m giving her some medication and a referral to see a psychologist.’ That’s what we did.  

She was seeing to him as well regularly, and a psychologist regularly. She wasn’t getting happier, wasn’t getting more upset. Things just travelled along like that for a while. It was in April that I got the phone call. And then one night in November, Caitlyn came to me and she said, ‘Mum, I feel like I’m going to kill myself’.  

To hear those words come out of her mouth. There actually is no way that I can describe how much that … You know there’s a saying about the Earth dropping out from underneath your feet. That’s what it was like. We weren’t sure what to do. Our family hadn’t had experience with dealing with mental illness. So eventually we got through to the psychiatric liaison nurse at Princess Margaret Hospital. And they really actively discouraged us from bringing her in. They tried to give us some strategies and things to try at home. And we did everything that they told us to but eventually I made the decision that I was going to take her in and I sat with her until four o’clock in the morning. That’s when the psychiatrists came and spoke to both of us. 

After a fairly short conversation, decided to send us home and to let us know that somebody from the hospital would come out and visit us at home. They came out to our house. They chatted with us for quite a long time. But I don’t remember them actually giving us anything useful. They didn’t really feel that she was suicidal. They thought that it was just her way of letting us know that she needed to be heard and she was feeling really low.  

I’m not sure if it was just for my own for having hope. I think that’s what it was that was hopeful. And I said ‘I think you’re right. I think that’s what I feel is true as well,’ and sort of just disregarded what she told me. I should have listened to because four days later she took her first overdose.  

I went into her room to wake her up and she said ‘Mum, I can’t wake up, I’ve taken tablets.’ She was admitted to the hospital. They kept her there for a couple of days. She started seeing two support workers, one was her suicide intervention officer and one was a psychologist that she was saying. Thankfully, she did connect with them. For years after that they were the people that sort of helped her through her journey. I’m very thankful that she did connect with them because they were the people that have saved her life.  

Since that time, she has been admitted to hospital another 14 times. Not all of those were overdoses but she has had another six attempts since that time. So, I’ve become pretty familiar with the hospital system. People who haven’t been there and haven’t done that don’t know what it’s like to take your child to hospital when they’re saying that they’re not sure if they’re going to be safe enough to keep themselves alive, and to be there at the hospital and to be told that there are no beds and that they can’t admit her and then they send her home. Coming home, everything in our family was focused on keeping her safe. We stopped sleeping. I wouldn’t go to sleep until I knew that I could check in her room and she was asleep. And part of the mental illness that she suffered was that she was unable to sleep. So that might be three o’clock in the morning. We didn’t ever leave her at home on her own. So, her older brothers and sisters would organise their unique schedules and their work schedules around making sure that somebody was always there.  

One time she asked to take the dogs for a walk, which we thought was a positive thing but she actually walked down to our local shop and bought four packets of Panadol and took them. That brought it home to us that even though we felt like we were doing everything we could to keep her safe, there’s always in the back of your mind, that worry, that it might not be enough. I was working as a teacher then, and I’d still be going to work. No one at work, in fact, in my family, knew the full extent of what was going on. It’s like being an actor all the time. You’re just acting like you’re okay. On the other side of that, being with the kids at school, did help take my mind off, and I’d immerse myself in the role. Every now and then though I’d just have to stop. My friends that I worked with had a bit of an idea of what was going on, and I’d just go in, shut the door, have a big cry, she’d give me a big hug and off I’d go back to work again.  

With Caitlin needing to go to hospital, in our experience, there just weren’t enough beds. I wanted to do something about that. I met a friend who was in a similar situation in that she had a daughter with some serious mental illness as well. We were having a conversation about the fact that they were going to build the new Perth Children’s Hospital with only 20 mental health beds for adolescents for the whole state.  

Suicide is the leading cause for people between the ages of 16 to 25, and if what they need is to have a hospital bed to keep them safe, then they should be available for them. We got our petition together. We started a Facebook group as well, called More Mental Health beds for Perth Children’s Hospital. In 2014 they did decide to hold a public inquiry. My friend, and I both went and spoke about the experiences that we’ve had with trying to get adequate mental health care for our daughters. To stand in front of strangers and share our story was really difficult. The ultimate decision by the public inquiry was that they weren’t going to increase the number of beds at the Perth Children’s Hospital, it would be built with only 20 beds.  

Caitlin’s 17 now. She’s just such a beautiful girl. And she’s beautiful on the inside and outside. She’s been studying in preparation for a nursing course. She’s met a lovely young man, and she’s got many, many positives at the moment. She’s in a really positive place and I’m incredibly proud of her.  

One day Caitlin came home from school, from TAFE, and she said to me, ‘Mum, we were having a conversation today about, you know, what are mums and dads do.’ And she said, ‘And I turned around and I said, well, do you know what my mum did for me? My mum tried to change the government.’ And what that meant to me is she knows that everything I’ve done, has been for her I just really hope that it’s enough.